Escort Card Etiquette for Weddings: How to Handle Titles, Plus-Ones, and Kids

Wedding escort cards are one of those small details that can make guests feel seen-or accidentally insulted. You spent weeks picking the perfect font, printing on thick cardstock, and arranging them on a vintage tray. But if you get the names wrong, it doesn’t matter how beautiful they look. The real question isn’t about aesthetics-it’s about respect. Who gets listed? Who gets a plus-one? Do you include kids? And what do you do when someone’s title doesn’t fit neatly into ‘Mr.’ or ‘Ms.’?

Start with the guest list, not the cards

Before you even think about printing escort cards, you need a clear guest list. Not a rough draft. Not a spreadsheet with ‘maybe’ next to 12 names. A final list. Every name, every household, every plus-one approved by you and your partner. This isn’t just about etiquette-it’s about logistics. If you’re unsure whether someone can bring a date, ask now. Don’t wait until the day of the wedding to figure out you’ve left three people standing at the door.

Wedding invitations and escort cards are tied together. The invitation tells guests they’re invited. The escort card tells them where to sit. If your invitation says ‘Mr. and Mrs. Robert Thompson,’ then your escort card should match that exactly. No shortcuts. No assumptions. If you’re unsure how someone prefers to be addressed, call them. A quick text like, ‘Hi, we’re finalizing seating and want to make sure we get your name right on the escort card-how would you like us to list you?’ goes a long way.

Plus-ones: Who gets one, and how do you write it?

Not every guest gets a plus-one. That’s okay. But you have to be consistent. If you’re giving plus-ones to coworkers, you can’t suddenly deny one to your cousin who’s been dating someone for three years. It’s not about fairness-it’s about avoiding hurt feelings.

Here’s how to handle it on the card:

• If the invitation says ‘Mr. Robert Thompson and Guest,’ the escort card should say ‘Robert Thompson and Guest’-no last name needed.
• If you know the plus-one’s name, write both names clearly: ‘Robert Thompson and Sarah Chen.’
• If you don’t know the name, leave it blank. Don’t write ‘+1’ on the card. That looks lazy. Use a small slip of paper or a sticker with ‘Guest’ written on it, and let the guest fill in their name at the card station.

Some couples avoid plus-ones entirely for cost or space reasons. That’s fine. But if you do, make sure the invitation says ‘Mr. Robert Thompson’ only. Don’t say ‘Mr. and Mrs. Thompson’ if Mrs. Thompson isn’t invited. That’s misleading. And if you’re inviting a single friend who lives with their partner, but you’re not inviting the partner? That’s not just awkward-it’s disrespectful. Either invite both or invite neither.

Kids: The trickiest part of escort card etiquette

This is where most people mess up. You can’t just assume ‘adults only’ unless you say so clearly. If your invitation says ‘Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,’ and they have a 5-year-old, you’re not obligated to invite the kid. But if you don’t want kids, you have to say so.

Here’s the rule: if the invitation says ‘Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,’ that means two people. If you want to include the child, you must write ‘Mr. and Mrs. Thompson and Emily.’ If you don’t want kids, write ‘Mr. and Mrs. Thompson’ and make sure your wedding website or RSVP card says ‘Adults Only’ or ‘Formal Reception for Adults.’ Don’t rely on guests guessing.

Some couples make exceptions for babies under 1. That’s fine. But if you’re inviting one baby, invite them all. Otherwise, you’ll have parents asking why their 11-month-old can’t come but their neighbor’s toddler can. That’s not a wedding-it’s a popularity contest.

And don’t forget: if you’re having a reception with dancing, loud music, or no childcare, you’re not just being picky-you’re being practical. Say so kindly. ‘We’re hosting an intimate evening for adults to celebrate with close friends and family.’ That’s clear. That’s respectful. That’s enough.

Titles: Mr., Ms., Mx., Dr., and the non-binary guest

You’re not a detective. You don’t need to guess someone’s gender based on their name. If you’re unsure, ask. It’s not awkward. It’s polite.

Use ‘Mx.’ if someone uses it. If they don’t specify, use their first name only: ‘Jamie Rivera’ instead of ‘Mr. Rivera’ or ‘Ms. Rivera.’ First names are safe, modern, and inclusive. If you’re printing names on escort cards, you don’t need titles at all. ‘Jamie Rivera’ looks clean. It’s modern. It’s kind.

For professionals like doctors or judges, use their title only if they’ve used it on their RSVP. If Dr. Lisa Nguyen writes back as ‘Dr. Lisa Nguyen,’ then write ‘Dr. Lisa Nguyen’ on the card. If she writes ‘Lisa Nguyen,’ use ‘Lisa Nguyen.’ Don’t assume. Don’t correct. Don’t overthink.

And if someone’s name is ‘Alex’ and you’re not sure if they’re male or female? Use ‘Alex.’ It’s not a guess. It’s their name.

What not to do

Here are the most common mistakes-and how to avoid them:

• Don’t use nicknames. ‘Bob’ instead of ‘Robert.’ ‘Jenny’ instead of ‘Jennifer.’ Unless they’ve told you to, stick to formal names.
• Don’t write ‘and family.’ That’s vague. It invites confusion. If you want to invite the whole family, list every name.
• Don’t assume couples are married. ‘Mr. and Ms. Rivera’ if they’re not married? That’s outdated. Write both names: ‘Luis Rivera and Maya Chen.’
• Don’t use initials. ‘J. Smith’ looks like you’re hiding something. Full names only.
• Don’t forget hyphenated names. If someone’s name is ‘Maria-Luisa Gomez-Perez,’ write it exactly that way. Don’t shorten it.

What to do when things go wrong

Even with the best planning, mistakes happen. Maybe you misspelled a name. Maybe someone’s plus-one showed up without an escort card. Maybe a guest is upset they weren’t invited with their partner.

Here’s how to handle it:

• If someone arrives and their name isn’t on the card, smile. Say, ‘We’re so glad you’re here. Let me fix that right away.’ Have a blank card and pen ready. Write their name. Hand them a new card. No apology needed-just action.
• If a guest is upset about a plus-one, don’t argue. Say, ‘I’m so sorry this didn’t work out the way you hoped. We made the decision to keep the guest list small to make sure everyone had a chance to connect. I really appreciate you understanding.’
• If a child shows up unexpectedly, don’t panic. Have a small area with crayons and coloring books ready. Ask a friend or family member to watch them. You’re not a babysitter, but you are a host. A little flexibility goes a long way.

Final checklist before printing

Before you send your escort cards to the printer, run through this:

• Every name on the card matches the invitation exactly.
• Plus-ones are clearly marked-either by name or with ‘Guest’ written out.
• Kids are only included if explicitly invited and named.
• No nicknames, no initials, no ‘and family.’
• Titles are used only if the guest used them.
• All hyphenated names, middle names, and special spellings are correct.
• You’ve tested the card layout: names fit, fonts are readable, and the card won’t get lost in a pile.

Wedding escort cards aren’t just about seating. They’re about signaling to every guest: ‘You matter. You’re seen. You belong here.’ Get the names right, and you’ve already done half the work of making your wedding feel warm, personal, and thoughtful.